Wendy
Newbie
Posts: 7
Registered: 01-31-2005 Location:
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posted on 02-01-2005 at 06:22 |
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Russian Brides HURT families!
My father is 70 years old. Convinced that a Russian Bride will fill his empty heart by the thousands of online services, he went to Russia and found himself a 46 year old woman and her 17 year old daughter. They are now living my my house with my father under a fiance visa.
I interacted with them for two weeks during my x-mas break. From the start it is obvious that they are here for the visa. They barely speak English and they are Russian and my father is Chinese. They barely understand me and I am an American born Chinese.
The mother is rude to me and the daughter cries all the time because she is unhappy. The mother cries all the time too. It is obvious she is a) NOT in love with my father and b) she is NOT happy.
So when my father told the mother that he might not sign, she immediatly responded with, "I can't go back, I won't be able to find a job."
Well this indicates to me that she came here with an agenda.... her VISA and a VISA for her 17 year old daughter!
She also has plans to take real estate classes because she wants to go into real estate. And she told my father not to worry about her daughter because she will find an American man in two years and get married. There goes the stereotype of Russian woman staying at home as a housewife. She wants my father to pay for her education so she can become independent and leave him. It's too obvious.
Something is wrong and she needs to be shipped back to Russia. This is obviously tearing my family apart.
Unethical and unmoral... I think Congress should prevent immigrants from coming into this country through these types of programs.
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joelunchbox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 06-07-2004 Location: georgia
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posted on 02-25-2005 at 14:34 |
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Should look at the person..
First, I think that your father's situation is tragic. Of course, all american women are totally honest and truthful and no one in amercia would marry someone for money or position. The reason I am looking to russia, romania and ukraine is that every american woman I talk to is more worried about their money, their kids and their dog (in that order) oh, and then their husband.....but only if he is willing to have the same priorities as the woman!!! Geezz That's right,throw the baby out with the bathwater! Ban the nice people and the bad. I think maybe you are too close to this problem and you need to put some distance between you and it.
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Wendy
Newbie
Posts: 7
Registered: 01-31-2005 Location:
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posted on 02-27-2005 at 04:31 |
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Too close to the problem? Sorry Mister, but my immediate family is VERY important to me. You have no right to judge my position in this problem until you have been in it.
As for stereotyping American women, if you don't like the American society, then why don't you consider moving out of the country instead of bringing in more illegal immigrants for us to fund?
And why would you want to marry someone who doesn't even speak English? Hey if you don't want to communiate with your wife, then I can see your point.
Maybe you have communication problems which is why you can't find an American women.
I don't mean to be mean but you people who come on here looking for Russian Brides need to stop portraying American women like me as selfish, greedy, and only into money. We are NOT all like that. Maybe you need to start dating better women. Preferbly ones you can communicate and share a life with, not something you can conrtol and dominate because they come from Russia.
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joelunchbox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 06-07-2004 Location: georgia
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posted on 02-27-2005 at 05:44 |
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Talk about not judging.....
My ex and I are still best friends. We communicate very well. Our divorce was tragic because it was unnecessary--oh, she asked for the divorce, I asked for counseling and got a man hating counselor..that was a learning experience. Family is important but...I have brother who stole $40,000 from me, my sister sold everything worth anything that my mother had made to leave her childtren.. After that, "family" has a slightly different meaning.. I don't paint everyone with the same brush but I don't give people multiple chances if they lie either. It is a shame what is going on with your father. But...why is every foreigner a b****?? I have seen more gold diggers here than I can count. It just happened to be a foreigner this time. I don't want to dominate anyone--Hell, I am looking for someone that actually knows what they want--and I am not having much-no, make that any luck finding an american that doesn't have their priorities turned upside down..I want an SUV, I want my son/daughter to be a singer, dancer, actor..... JEEZZZ I hate to mention this but I am old enough to find out for myself--I would appreciate some well grounded advice. Your father is old enough to know what he wants and you will have to settle for being there for him when all of this stuff settles out. I wish him luck, I don't like to see anyone screwed over, period! Did I learn from my divorce, yes. I think I know what I need and what I want in my next partner. Amazing, a guy that thinks... Hmmm I wonder how long this will stay posted--I think we may be a little off topic. Again, best to your father, I am sorry for your position-I have no practical advice for you at this point. I hope no one else has to experience that--and isn't this forum supposed to help us keep away from anyone like that?? G'day! Oh, one last thing: anytime I hear the phrase "those people" or "you people" I cringe. Because that is the precursor to racism--just a thougt :D
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Wendy
Newbie
Posts: 7
Registered: 01-31-2005 Location:
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posted on 03-02-2005 at 06:15 |
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Your posting is actually very interesting. Your life is almost a mirror image of my father's with the divorce and law suit from a family member. I've been there, done that.
Anyway just some advice. Be careful with choosing a wife from Russia. Choosing a wife from say Russia or China, or any country where the society is not as affluent as ours is very RISKY!
Trust me, there is more to this process then money, it's the visa and the US citizenship. I have heard MANY stories about these women leaving after 3-5 years (after they become U.S. citizens). You might be right; they aren't gold diggers, yet.
Being of an ethnic culture and being around immigrants (especially in a Ph.D. program where almost everyone is from another country), I have been warned about these types of programs and the people who sign up TO LEAVE THEIR COUNTRY AND ARE DESPARATE TO BECOME US CITIZENS! They will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING (including marrying the first guy who offers to bring her over).
I have nothing against foreigners since I am a first generation citizen. I worry about the immigrants who try to marry ANYONE to get in the US.
As for my father, this is his decision, but there are members in my family who are never going to forgive him for this. I'm not one of them only because I will probably be the only one who will be here when the Russian Bride leaves with her Visa and her daughter's Visa. At least he signed a pre-nup. When she takes off, he might still have his house and bank account, I hope!
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Wendy
Newbie
Posts: 7
Registered: 01-31-2005 Location:
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posted on 03-02-2005 at 06:15 |
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p.s. Buying an SUV would probably be a lot cheaper then buying a Russian Bride.
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ONEGOODLOOKINGTOAD
Newbie
Posts: 7
Registered: 03-18-2005 Location: California - USA
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posted on 03-19-2005 at 00:50 |
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Wendy,
Only ONE russian bride seems to have hurt your family, and it's obvious your father is the only one to blame for it.
Is he too far gone into senility that he was blinded by obvious signs?
It is unfair to label ALL foreign brides as scammers or evil opportunists.
For every bad apple you know I can show you a dozen of happily married men to foreign brides living in my area, Orange county, California.
Good luck to you and your father, he'll need it.
Toad
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Ritaco
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 04-11-2005 Location:
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posted on 04-12-2005 at 05:17 |
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scl08816
Newbie
Posts: 9
Registered: 03-08-2004 Location: New York City
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posted on 04-16-2005 at 15:56 |
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Wendy,
I'm sorry that your father seems to be in an unhappy situation. I read your one-sided comments, and am wondering why you are solely criticizing the woman for her agenda and not your father?
Most things in life, when boiled down to its most basic, is about agendas, contracts and meeting expectations.
Romance is not fiction. But, enduring romance only truly happens after the above agendas, contracts and expectations have been met by both parties.
SCL
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Wendy9
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 05-17-2005 Location:
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posted on 05-18-2005 at 04:53 |
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Yeah too bad about my dad's situation.
For an update, my dad married the Russian bride because she didn't want to go back and he didn't want to be alone. It still tears my family apart but whatever, life goes on, right?
As for the Russian. Very good actress. She is waiting for my dad to die so she can get quick money, so let me think... am I going to be happy about this Russian Brides situation?? um no...
But I heard other BAD stories about Russian brides leaving after three years (after they are U.S. citizens) and that breaks my heart. But I would rather have this one leave in 3 years so she doesn't take my family inheritance. I mean why should a Russian bride of a few months get half of everything? QUICK money. Damn those Russian women are smart! At least this one is.
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elvis1
Newbie
Posts: 5
Registered: 05-18-2005 Location:
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posted on 05-18-2005 at 16:06 |
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Wendy,
I am sorry to hear about your dad's unhappy situation but please dont tar every Russian woman with the same brush. My Russian fiancee is a real sweetheart and cant do enough for me. She also has no interest in taking out citizenship as she does not want to lose her Russian passport or nationality as in her own words this is who I am and I cant change that. She has never asked me for anything and has often told me that I am giving her too much. She is an interpretor who fluently speaks 3 languages and works for a US/German company and she would rather stay in Russia than come here and not be accepted. We have both heard the horror stories and yes they have scared us both although we now realise that we are the lucky ones. Had we believed all of those stories we would not be together now and are both very happy that we both believed that there can be true love and a happy life together which we have now. It is a shame that the success stories are very rare but as you will see from my post they do sometimes happen.
I understand your concerns for your dad, In your position I would feel exactly the same way but he made his choice and regardless of whether you like it or not there is little you can do about it except pray that he sees sense and ditches her as well as being there for him if and when it all falls apart. I can also understand your dad's position that at his age he does not want to be alone and being honest do you blame him?
I wish you and your family all the best intentions and hope that everything works out for all of you but first and foremost for your dad's happiness.
Andrew
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santana
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 05-30-2005 Location:
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posted on 05-30-2005 at 19:41 |
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How exactly does it tear your family apart? As i understand your father was alone at the moment and you are a groun up person.
As a first generation in USA you should be more liable to immigrants; May be ask your father how did he get there?
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Eastern
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 06-05-2005 Location: Australia
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posted on 06-05-2005 at 08:59 |
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Wendy99
Newbie
Posts: 5
Registered: 07-08-2005 Location:
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posted on 07-08-2005 at 21:24 |
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Respect and selling yourself as a Mail order bride
I have nothing against immigrant as I am a first generation American.
I just don't think the US government should be letting in Russian whores who sell themselves on websites as Russian Mail-order brides and pray on lonely men to import them here.
The last thing this country needs is imported Russian Mail order brides. If people come to the US, its should be work or education related. I have plenty of friends from all over the country studying with me at the University I am working/studying at. They came here with scholarships and with talent and brains! They didn't sell themselves as Russian Brides.
How can a woman sell herself on the Internet as a mail-order bride?
How can you respect someone who does that???????? Let alone marry a Mail order bride.
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Wendy99
Newbie
Posts: 5
Registered: 07-08-2005 Location:
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posted on 07-08-2005 at 21:26 |
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Santana
To answer your question Santana,
My father came here through a full scholarship to work on his Ph.D.
p.s. Do you know how to spell? I am not "groun" up, I am GROWN up... wow!
I would also advise you to check your grammer. It could use some help.
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craig
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 07-19-2005 Location:
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posted on 07-22-2005 at 21:09 |
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Too wendy
Wendy what is or are your problems. Supposedly you are working on your Ph.D you sure seem to have alot of time to spending wasting on this website. I know Ph.D students are lonely as they are busy so why do you not go out and make some friends in the real world. You know you are not going to change any person's mind here. Not mine anyway as I hope to meet a future Russian or Ukranian etc bride. You are obviously single and perhaps that is another reason you are blaming russian women. Are they taking all the good men Wendy? I really question how close you are to your father too. If your dad wants to spend HIS (not yours) money on a younger women that is his choice not yours! Why did you not try to get your dad involved with other activities instead of letting him get involved with the women he is with now? No Wendy you seem like a very bitter women and I really wonder why?
Would you call the Chinese women who want to marry American men whores too? Or is it only women from the former Soviet Union?
I am really surprised that the daughter of an immigrant to this country could be so arrogant and close minded. By the way for a Ph. D student I am surprised you have not heard of "informal english" which is usually what is written over the internet. Check it out before you start criticising other people's spelling and grammar. We are not writing a thesis here Wendy. Anyway Wendy all the best you happy spinster.
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greyeyedstranger
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 07-23-2005 Location:
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posted on 07-23-2005 at 21:37 |
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Question for Wendy
Wendy,
I have a question for you. Are you opposed to the fiancee visa or just mail order brides? I met my fiancee in Venezuela while on vacation and am currently working on a fiancee visa for her. I do feel for you and appreciate the problems that your dad's situation is causing but I have one question about it. What did he expect from a mail order bride almost 30 years younger than himself? Do not misunderstand me I am not trying to make light of your situation but rather say that maybe he knew what he was getting into and decided to do it anyway. I do realize that there are a lot of golddiggers out in the world but to say that all the ladies on these types of sites are whores is unfair. That is similar to profiling or racism in my view.
One more thing. I have read your posts and you seem to be an intelligent person. I believe that it was rather petty to berate the one gentleman for a misspelled word and grammer problems.
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Lookin4luv
Newbie
Posts: 3
Registered: 08-16-2005 Location: No Cal
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posted on 08-16-2005 at 22:40 |
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Looking elsewhere
I feel sorry that this is happening to your father I really do, but perhaps he just chose unwisely? Perhaps loneliness clouded his judgement and allowed this woman to get the best of him? Perhaps it's just a case of culture clash. This is SUPPOSEDLY a free country so if I or any other dude or woman wants to hook up with someone from another part of the world so be it! For many years I've know about Russian bride sites and I did nothing but look. I tried to find a nice American woman, and I'm sure there are some but I sure could not find them! No matter where I looked all I found was women who had the "It's all about ME!" attitude. No thanks! I had nearly a decade of that! Had I married that cow I would be divorced and a lot poorer than I already am!
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ajp0414
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 03-23-2006 Location:
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posted on 03-23-2006 at 13:22 |
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Just My Thoughts
I just have a few thoughts on the whole Foriegn Bride situation. First of all I am from the United States of America and serving in the military. I have seen several countries and I am currently living outside of the US. First of all any American Citizen that claims they are better than anyone is full of it. If American history were studied even a slight bit Wendy you would realize that none of us really started there. Our ancestory all started somewhere else unless we're native american. Secondly there are bad people and good people everywhere in the world, no matter what country, region, language, religion, or continet. I am sorry to hear these things about your father, but perhaps it's not as bad as you precieve it with age comes wisdom, he may know exactly what he is doing. I think maybe it would be good for you to leave the US for a couple of weeks for vacation or something and maybe you would understand that not all people are bad just because they come from annother country. Open your eyes to the world because for a Ph.D student you seem to be a very ignorant girl. I hope you take everything i said very personally for your own sake.
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babyhueym
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 03-24-2006 Location:
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posted on 03-24-2006 at 23:38 |
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what are you thinking
a brief story ,
i am 31, when i was 10 my parents divorced, seems my mother felt her independence and sexual (gay) freedom was more important than family and her childrens well being,
among other things my mother "sold herself" to the first convenient man when the custody battle heated up so as to appear "proper" for the courts and discredit my fathers objections to her lifestyle. she won, what a shocker!
turns out that "convenient fellow" was a pedophile and molested my 8 yo sister.....
within 2 years my mother SOLD me and my brother to my father,"you can have the boys, but you have to keep paying me the support for them" gee what motive could that have been?
when i was 15 my 62 yo father married a 31yo AMERICAN woman, who had already forced my little brother and sister out of the picture, and immediately set her sights on running me off. so began 4 years of hell during which i was not even allowed to eat at the same table as the rest of the people in my home. when i left home at 18yo to go to a tech school 500 miles away my dad was so financially drained by his wonder wife he handed me 60$ and said "its the best i can do"
soon after arriving in a faw away city i was informed by my school that i was about to be booted out on the street because my step refused to sign the student loan paperwork (btw, if parents are able to borrow and refuse, kid is screwed you cant borrow but a fraction yourself) thankfully after a heated conversation with my step the aid advisor "helped me"  with my paperwork and i was able to go to school anyway , god bless her!
my step wanted all of my dads kids out of the picture so her kids would have his money and benefit from his sweat, btw they are both nowhardened criminals one an accused child molester and the other a repeat burgular, my dad still isnt allowed to associate with his own kids without resigning himself to a $hitstorm from his wife, btw iam an aviation mechanic 50K/yr a side business, my bro, truckdriver 50k/yr, my sis nurse 60k/yr, but we are trash in her eyes.
after dealing with a nasty step, my own mother, and her man hating friends. after the love of my life broke me down and ditched me because she wanted to live next to mommy (she lied about this when we met or i would not have dated someone i knew i would have left behind) after having been "elegible" for 10 years and deemed unworthy because i dont engage in self destructive behavior, ie, no alcoholism, drugs, abusivness, or serious criminal behavior and not being judged "hot" because i am infact overweight (but still healthy highly mobile and not a bit lazy and very sexually capable) i have grown sick of being compared to tom cruise and told i am not good enough, somewhere in here i began to resent the hipocracy of an american woman judging me by an unreal standard (hollywood himbos) but turning around in the next breath and saying "how dare you call that 600lb woman fat, you insensitive ba$tard"
i think i have alot to offer a good woman, where ever she might come from,unfortunately good american women are very few and far between most are as george carlin put it "only concerned with their own reproductive freedom and pocketbooks".
i think i will go where ever i can find a good woman who values family first and wont compete with me to wear the pants in my house, if she wants a full blown career that is fine too, but not at the expense of my manhood or my kids upbringing.
motherrussia here i come.
p.s my step has already cost my dad his 3br brick home on 10 acres because of her irresponsible creditcard habits, and is well on the way to blowing through what very little might be left, sodo yourself a favor wendy, get off your a$$ and get what you want for yourself you were born in america, the land of opporitunity and if I a white male (barred from govt assistance because of the color of my skin) can start without a d4mn thing and have a 200k house i built with my own hands and another 100k of net worth by the age of 30, you an asian woman with so much ready to be given to you for only the asking, has not a shed of excuse to be bitter about inheritance.
go see your dad, nevermind what the step thinks, that is what i do.
mean people are everywhere, but there seems to be more of them here.
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cpr_metro
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 08-29-2006 Location:
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posted on 08-29-2006 at 08:05 |
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GEEEEZ WAKE UP ALREADY !!
Anyone with substantial networth who gets married to ANYONE from anyplace should have a Pre-NUP.... and if he is foolish enough not to get one then he deserves exactly what happens to him. Love me be blind but it shouldnt make one STUPID. Personally....
I woulod avoid all Russian and Chinese woman like the plague. Generally speaking... chinese gals are walking calculators and money crazy and cold fish sexually.... I know... I was married to one and dated many. Russians gals... are hot looking but .... the multitude of scammers and bad reputation preceeds them.... and for me atleast.... there is nothinhg worse on th eears than a russian accent. A very masculine language... like German. Stick with Latin gals... they have their priorities straight. Family and the man comes first. Yes ofcourse there are bad nuts, scammers and greencard sharks.,, but far less than elsewhere.
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danno
Junior Member
Posts: 16
Registered: 09-13-2006 Location:
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posted on 09-14-2006 at 21:33 |
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Wendy
I realize your concern and frustration, but the BLAME is not with the russian gal, but your father. It was his decision, his choice and he needs to take onwership of his obvious mistake. If she does not have her official change of status, then it is not too late. He can divorce her, and she'd have to go back. Yes, she has the right to appeal, but if there is no proven abuse, then she'll lose the appeal. So rather than rant about the woman, sit down with your family and speak logically with your father.
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Kyiv_Trip
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 01-02-2006 Location: Denver
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posted on 10-13-2006 at 12:23 |
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who is to blame ???
I agree with dar no. You make it sound like this woman put a gun to your Father's head and told him either his brains or his signature would be on the marriage license.
It is frustrating for any family memember when their Father makes a mistake. I work for divorce lawyers and I can tell you a thousand stories of men who made mistakes marrying American Women. Your Father could have made the same mistake here - only I'll bet the woman would have been much older and even more materialistic.
There are also 2 sides to every story and in the cases that I have seen, the foreign women were often deceived and wound up in a bad situation themselves - or, at least, not the situation that they were promised.
So ... get REAL !!! Your Father is an adult and it was HIS choice. Spending all your time denying this and trying to blame the woman will not help anyone. If you want to be constructive, you first must place the blame where it belongs - if you must blame someone.
You are a PhD candidate ? Then you must realize that there are many men who have found happiness marrying foreign women. Or are you in denial about this, also. Stop this vendetta for the good of your family and your own peace of mind !!!
David
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drmeadowsny
Member
Posts: 36
Registered: 04-25-2020 Location:
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posted on 06-29-2020 at 23:23 |
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Foreign woman is not the issue here
It seems to me that the issue here is not one of a foreign woman, but of an older man and a younger woman with a daughter. The problems described could occur in any type of locale and family: ie. the daughter gives an attitude and all involved are unhappy.
In my opinion, this family situation began when the details were not addressed early on. They did not create a sort of road map to what was to be accomplished or realized. In other words, the father, bride, and daughters did not think things out well. I am left to believe that problems existed in each person's life and, instead of being smoothed out by the marriage, only grew more complicated when the union took hold.
Russian brides do not seek problems, just like American brides do not seek problems. I think these people closed their eyes, rolled the dice, and hoped for lucky number 7 to greet them when they opened their eyes to reality.
My grandson is a computer science major. He has a saying that is the acronym GIGO - Garbage In, Garbage Out. If you put garbage data into the program, you get garbage as the result. Decisions of people are much the same; if you put bad reasoning into the thought process, you get bad situations as a result.
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karlneklausen
Member
Posts: 11
Registered: 07-19-2020 Location: Reprisa California
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posted on 08-08-2020 at 11:35 |
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Stop blaming Russian brides
Stop blaming Russian brides for your father's mistakes. You made your post a generalization instead of putting the blame where it belongs: on your father. I believe your father made a mistake of thinking with his little Chinese penis and not his arrogant Chinese brain. Sure, maybe the Russian woman is manipulative, so what? Your father should have seen that before getting her visa.
Many women are manipulative. Get over it.
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bacalhau
Junior Member
Posts: 5
Registered: 07-20-2020 Location: Chitown
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posted on 09-13-2020 at 13:42 |
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Russian bride hurts family
I changed the subject (title) of your post so it shows 1 woman, not all Russian women. The way you think, you might as well say that all black people hurt families, or all lesbians hurt families. Generalizations suck, and in my experience, people who lean on generalizations are not thinking, so much as they are emoting. Feelings, not reasoning. So go blow smoke up someone else's skirt, girlie. You are not one I would put my faith in when it comes to reason.
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